Giving Parenthood a Test Drive

Have I rented out a newborn for a few months to give parenthood the 'ol once over? No, but my wife and I are temporarily living with friends (we are in the thick of moving home) who have a newborn and a 2 year old, so I'm considering it a trial run.

Don't get me wrong, we're not considering having kids. But we know time is running out and sometimes think 'what if?'. This thought is quickly followed up with a 'hell no!' upon the hint of a dirty diaper insinuating itself into my personal air space. That and a few other things.

Based on my short time in such close proximity to the vocation, I have gathered through watching and babysitting etc., that kids reshape your life in profound ways. They determine when, where and what you eat and for how long. They determine where you live. What you wear. What you smell like. How much energy you have - or don't have. How much money...you don't have. They take, and take, and need, and need, and demand and wail and scream and, allegedly, give back only when they hook you up with a nicely appointed old age home...if they don't kill you for the inheritance first (my folks know what to expect - the old age home, they're broke). 

You can only get on a bus if there is enough room for the pram. We had to eat at McDonald's (ewwwwww) because that's what the kid eats, and then only if you can find a seat where the pram can fit. The newborn has to eat every 2 minutes so life must stop for that, and the stygian banshee wailing ensures that life stops for that. The house, schedule, indeed your life,  literally become theirs, and they don't seem to give a flying hoot.

I am amazed at the satiric accuracy of Family Guy's, Stewie, whose misomater shenanigans aren't that far from the truth. Children are masterminds of manipulation, and parents always seem to be the easiest to dupe! They smile, cry, pout, rage, holler, sob, laugh, hug and sometimes listen to you, all to get their way. They wrap mom and dad around their still developing little fingers with the ease and expertise of a practiced person-who-does-that-stuff-expertly. Not to mention the sibling rivalry that starts from day one. Sigh. 

No doubt, kids are a delight...in small doses. I love to hold the newborn and have gotten pretty good at getting her to sleep and such. Warming to the 2 year old, a very intelligent girl who loves to test the limits of disobedience, but has a confident and sunny personality. Their parents are wonderful people and in my inexpert opinion, are doing well at their chosen task. They love their kids and their kids love them (I think - you can never tell with those little freaks).  But so far the general message is that parenthood just isn't for me, I don't wanna share my stuff with anybody I guess.