Anti-America and Uncle Sam

Have you ever been called anti-American? I have. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it had something to do with my perspective on the Iran uranium enrichment debacle.

My view is that the most outstanding feature of the conflict is the hypocrisy of the West. It seems they want to be the only ones who possess and use nuclear weapons or should decide who can possess them. It seems fine for Israel to have these WMD's and to be slowly but consistently eating away at Palestinian territory.

But the idea that disagreeing with aspects of American foreign policy (or perhaps US banking oversight - emphasis on oversight) makes one anti-American is arrogant at best, fascist at worst (there I go again). The Bush/Cheney Admin made it easy to be 'anti-American'. I found it bemusing that they compared Al Quaida to the Nazis. A rag tag loosely associated group of religious radicals? The Nazi's were a well established, organized and centralized body with the suits and propaganda to match, set on targeting a specific group of people based on their religious belief. They took these people and corralled them into secret detention camps. You could say the Nazi's renditioned them off to these extraordinary camps. Sound familiar?

You know what I found strange? The reaction to the Dixie Chicks opposition to the Iraq War. Remember that? Folks trashed the Chicks CD's because one of their number expressed disdain of W. But by far the most in-your-face attack on the war, as far as music celebrities go was Green Day's American Idiot album (Eminem did say 'F**k Bush' in his pre-election Mosh). It was called 'American Idiot' - can you be more anti-American? I love that album. I love Green Day. Chant down Babylon boys. But they only got album sales (12 million worldwide I understand). Hmmm. Maybe the Dixie Chicks protests were all attended by paid protestors like the 'death-panel-healthcare-screaming-people-protestors'?

Anyway, I was suspect of Obama's UN speech on stemming nuclear proliferation and decreasing warhead numbers when it was quickly followed up by the Iran enrichment revelation. Mind you, I'm for nuclear disarmament, but we've forgotten about that now and it seemed to be a nice segue into 'let's get rid of the arms by dropping them on Iran' implication. Going too far? I agree.

The best approach would be to 'take the nuclear missile out of your own eye so you can see clearly enough to take the nuclear missile out of your sworn enemy's eye'. It's Scriptural.

The fear/war mongers who think that bombing people somehow 'protects' America, need to seriously rethink their...thinking. Making America intolerably savage and violent so that many begin to fear and hate them and then want to bomb the country - now that is anti-American.

Why We Need Gaddafi and Ahmadinejad

We don't agree with all their ideas but they say what no one else says to those whom no one is willing to say it to. Indeed, they may say some things purely for the shock factor - but it gets people talking.

Take the encroachment of Israeli settlements on Palestinian territory. Even the official US position is in accord with Iran's view. Holocaust denial? Extreme and perhaps vindictive as is the assertion that, 'Israel has no future'. But one can't escape the fact that Israel's stranglehold on Palestine is unjust as is its disproportionate response to Lebanese attacks. Let's face it, not many speak up for Palestine. And for all intents and purposes Israel seems to be wiping Palestine from the face of the Earth.

Gaddafi's tirade might have been rambling, but his criticism of the UN was justified. It's a toothless organization that often stands by and allows carnage (Rwanda?). CNN reported the following as part of Gaddafi's 'musings,

 He called for reform of the Security Council to make it more representative, including expanding it with more member states. He called for abolishing the veto power of the five permanent members -- the United States, Britain, France, China and Russia -- which he said used the veto to serve their own interests and treated smaller nations like "second class, despised nations."

Sounds like a reasonable demand to me and a believable interpretation of smaller states dilemma. Still, no one wants Iran to acquire nuclear weapons, indeed, no country should have such weaponry. But the hypocrisy of the West is highlighted through this issue. The US continues to be the only nation to have ever used nuclear weapons...twice. Over 300,000 people were killed when Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed and many have lived with illness related to the bombing to this day. But the subtle implication is that some countries have a right to nuclear arms and some don't. We need not mention 'pre-emptive strikes'.

The extremism of Gaddafi and Ahmadinejad is decidedly unattractive and undesirable, but doesn't negate the legitimate issues they raise. The West often plays the 'Hero in White' defending the world against the maniacal and pointlessly 'Dr. Evil', but Michael Moore's many documentaries and Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine would suggest otherwise.

Bush's post 9/11 'they hate our freedom' claim was rhetoric so extreme one would think the US was the nation state version of Snow White.  But Dick Cheney as Grumpy dwarf advocating torture sullies that complexion. What makes US torture ' better' than torture conducted by any other nation? Nothing obviously. But a recent article questioning the efficacy of torture (excuse me, 'enhanced interrogation') was, perhaps unintentionally, tacit support for its moral acceptability...at least for the US. To say the least, Bush rhetoric and action was at least equal in extremity to Gaddafi and Ahmadinejad's.

The difference between the actions and rhetoric of Middle Eastern and Western nations is often down to the packaging. Don't get me wrong, there is obvious freedom and better practised democracy in the West which is good for the citizens therein, but not for those whom are exploited by Western economic and military might. Hence the Morales' and Chavez's of the world have an easy      target and become easy targets.

No doubt Gaddafi and Ahmadinejad are troublemakers at large. But they aren't the only ones, they just suck at PR and need a better wardrobe department.

The Plot Thickens: Blam Blam Johnson, He'll Shoot You With His Weaponry

Hortical Johnson or 'Blam Blam', as he is known to himself and 3 others, is a man of action who plays by his own rules while wearing a black leather jacket.

Constantly on the prowl for intricate criminal conspiracies that involve shooting, he stumbles upon a conspiracy that involves a sexy seductress that can't be trusted, millions of dollars in contraband and armed white men in black suits inexplicably devoted to their criminal overlord, Gentry Topanaaris.

But Blam Blam's highly evolved action skills may prove too much for the thugs who outnumber him 500:1. Equipped with the ability to use a motel balcony for cover, he manipulates thugs into shooting the 1/4" rail supports rather than him. Indeed, his muscular green thumb allows him to use potted plants for cover against AK47 fire. A green thumb of gunnery proportions.

Topanaaris may have bitten off more than he can bite. But gains the edge over justice with his hatred for pre-teens. Blam Blam is thrown into self-doubt when he finds himself incapable of delivering snappy one-liners in response to the cold and long-winded threats of Topanaaris who is holding a pre-school hostage.

Surviving explosions, massive car wrecks and slaughtering dozens of innocent bystanders in the ensuing carnage, our hero must survive the nasty scratch he got on his forehead. Only time will tell if the Neosporin's effect will prevent a mild infection.

Blam Blam! The onomatopoeia of Justice!

The Plot Thickens: Margin for Terror

Manley De La Vega, a land surveyor with a distinct cleft chin and attitude to match, is contracted to map out a mysterious plot of land in a small village of inbred idiots, somewhere in hinterland of North America.

All seemed well in the small town of Stankonya. Initially the scattered slabs of rotting flesh puzzled De La vega, but he wrote it off as 'expected of inbred idiot villages'. What really sent our hero into a world of confusion and stomach-upset was the fact that no woman in the village was attractive enough and of the same race as he, to be an appropriate love interest.

Our Hero's killer instinct really kicked in when he noticed 3 teenaged white American middle class couples making out in dark, dank and creepy locations in the town. Something was going to happen. But what?

Furious at the dearth of  racial minority characters to die 25 minutes into this cavalcade of bloodletting, Manley slashes his way through Zombies that inexplicably rise out of the earth once every Memorial Day Weekend - on the very day of his arrival. Well, the day after his arrival.

Fortunately, De La Vega had a horrible experience with a pet gerbil as a child. The experience with dead furry things equipped him to kill the undead, somehow.

But will he save the village of idiots -  indeed should he? What secret does the town keep? Will he finish surveying the plot of land in time to submit his tax returns? What ever happens, Manley De La Vega must navigate this horrific nightmare of exacting standards, because his occupation suggests he has no Margin for Terror.

Carib Cinema: Lines, Swines & 2 for 1 in Jamaica

If you're Jamaican you've probably been to the Carib cinema. It's been around for years and often premieres films on the same dates as US cinemas. Pretty cool. You probably know about the 2 for 1 days too right? On Mondays and Tuesdays you and a friend can see the latest film for the price of one. These are understandably highly attended days, but there is another price to pay for economy: your dignity, but it's optional.

There are two entrances to the cinema. Most people flock to front entrance about an hour or more before the gates open. At the very moment the box office opens any semblance of a line - or humanity - vanishes into a swinefest of hoggish...hoggishness. The soundtrack to this activity is something like Professor Nuts 'Inna Di Bus'. It really is bad.

But around the back, the soundtrack is  a nice classical piece. Not only do people stand patiently in a well-defined cue (as it's called in the UK - they love cues here - in fact I think they stand in line to join a line) but they unwittingly think there is only one line to the right, which is inevitably longer than the neglected lesser known line to the left. In any event, folks at this entrance retain their brought-upsy. Why the difference?

One thesis is that those at the back entrance drive (there is a parking lot around the back) and are used to entering their vehicle without fighting 30 other people to do so. The folks at the front take the bus and are in 'sideways-and-go-round' mode. But that can't be true, walk-foot folks often enter from the back along with the alleged more civilised drivers.

The solution is simple really. There are narrow stairs at the back that force patrons into a cue. Now when folks approach the cue the collective order and decency is catching. So catching, in fact, that persons often refuse to join the neglected left line (which is not visible from the parking lot) because no one else is in it. People often think this left line is for persons with reserved tickets only, or brown people (just a guess, I don't know). Amazing. 

Order and decency is catching. If narrow passageways force people to be orderly we might have a solution to Jamaica's crime and violence. Indeed, the UK is known for its very narrow roads and small-roomed houses. Maybe they have applied this theory already, after all the UK is very epitome of order (except of on Weekends and during Happy Hour at the pubs...and footy matches).

I suggest the Government should hire a few hundred thousand citizens to simply stand together in orderly groups doing things in an orderly fashion in strategic places around the Island. We can give them specific roles like 'garbage-throw-awayers', 'not-block-the-road-when-the-traffic-lights-don't-workerers', 'I-have-no-desire-to-kill-youers' and the like.

Surely if enough of us gather together, in say Half-Way Tree Square (I know - eeew!) and frown disapprovingly at drug dealers, junkies, corrupt politicians, taxi drivers and lazy career beggars they will stop doing what it is they do because of the peer pressure alone. The hard part is getting all of these perpetrators to stay still long enough (in Half-Way Tree) to get a good frown going.

Thank me in British pounds.

What Can We Learn From Caster Semenya's Pain?

The lessons and issues that are budding from this single controversy are potentially many and significant. Significant to at least at least one in every 3000 persons (and their families) who have one of the 46 intersex conditions.

There is no doubt the issue is complex. According to Dr Peter Bowen-Simpkins, of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists 'The sporting bodies don't have an agreed definition of sex. Cases like this may force them to define this particular issue.' Surely the IAAF has learned its lesson and that definition is being determined as you read this. It certainly must be done as must proper enforcement of the protocol surrounding gender verification tests. There can be no doubt that protocol exists - but it certainly wasn't followed, but I am fairly certain this situation won't be repeated.

Nevertheless, one of the positive by-products of this tragic debacle is the rising awareness about intersex conditions and the plight of those who live with them, or struggle to live with them. Fortunately there has been much sensitivity and sympathy offered to Semenya, but also much vitriol, apathy or dogmatic assertion about the unambiguousness of gender. But, we are all learning, things aren't so simple for some of us.

We have also remembered that the spectres of racial and gender prejudice are alive and well. Certainly concerns about the definitions of beauty and womanhood come in to sharp focus as there are persons of both sexes who may struggle with similar cosmetic issues without the biological complication - but are burned by the fallout nonetheless. Regarding race, some argue that had Semenya been white, none of this would have come out in the way it did. Well, if there are any white 'female' athletes in a similar position to Semenya's we can safely say their cases were handled with extreme discretion.

To be sure, we have learned that athletes have been the most professional amongst all the players in this dilemma. None of her competitors and no other athletes have said anything degrading or untoward about Semenya through this all. At least none that have received any coverage to speak of. Jenny Meadows of Great Britain was asked her opinion on Semenya after finishing 3rd in the World Championships, but she gave as diplomatic an answer as one could wish for. However the media, the IAAF and even the ASA and South African Government have demonstrated something along the spectrum between  incompetence and oversight.

There will be more lessons and issues arising from this young 18 year old who plunged the world of athletics into turmoil. But it can yet have a happy ending. How? Let's hope we find out.

Caster Semenya: Once a Victor, Twice a Victim

Australian Newspaper The Daily Telegraph has scooped the long awaited results of 800m World Champion, Caster Semenya's gender verification tests. According to the Telegraph she is a hermaphrodite.

It turns out that Semenya has no womb or ovaries and 3 times the testosterone of a 'normal' woman. On top of that, she has 'internal testes'  which produce testosterone in men. The Telegraph's source was quoted as saying that the South Africa Athletics Association (ASA) 'have known for months, for years, that she's not normal. They could have set in process these kind of tests if they had been more responsible.''. They do have explaining to do.

If this is true Semenya has been twice shamed, first by the IAAF's insensitive and public handling of the controversy and now the her own Nation's athletics authority that may have had the ability to protect from international media scrutiny and ridicule. No doubt, the South African Government which objected to the IAAF's approach to the allegations of sexism and racism, will be running feverish damage control and madly trying to wipe the egg that is squarely on its face.

This revelation comes after a spread in You South Africa presenting Semenya in very feminine fashion shots. But behind the concerns of gold medals and protocol is the apparent serious health concern for the athlete. She is apparently being urged to undergo corrective surgery as soon as possible.

Beyond even the medical concerns is what the cumulative effect of all the attention and the discovery of her physical ambiguity may be having on the 18 year old. Still more questions abound. Was Semenya aware of her ambiguity? Does this negate the concerns of sexism and racism (no doubt a rabid hatred of blacks did surface in the blogosphere)? Is the IAAF still guilty of impropriety in handling the publicity of the inquiry? And will the IAAF allow her to keep her gold medal? The really big question though: how did the results reach the media and who is this so-called 'leak'?

The answers will come. And if this report is to be trusted we can only hope that the strength Semenya has exhibited thus far will take her though the challenges ahead. 

Waist Not, Want Not: The Odd Fact About UK Jeans Size

For years I was a 32 inch waist. For years I've been an average man - at least in my jeans size. It seemed almost impossible to find a 32/30 pair of jeans because every other guy was the same size, or so it seemed. Always sold out. I did most of my shopping in the US by the way.

Then I moved to the to UK where, for some strange reason, I achieved a 33 inch waste. Eureka! One inch over the average and free to find my size of choice! But I say thee nay! Alas, it was not be. UK trouser sizes (they don't call em pants - pants are underwear in the UK) do not come in odd numbers.

That's right. You can get 32 and 34 - but not 33 or 35! Now, you can understand that I felt especially picked on by the fashion gods. At the very moment my waist grew, my size option evaporated into a geographic and cultural vortex. Now everywhere I look, what do I see? Size 32/30. My option is to squeeze into a 32 - which I can't, unless I follow the trend and wear my jeans at my knees. Or fladdap around in a 34/30.

Still, the deities (nay Imps) of couture have not yet triumphed! I, like Kratos of God of War I, II and soon to be III, fame (Copyright Playstation or something like that), will carve and/or tailor my own destiny! With careful thought I have calculated that a low-rise, button fly 34/30 can fit me like a glove - but only if it is purchased at a Next store. If I buy the same at a Gap outlet I will look decidedly hippie (in terms of physiognomy not ideology).

What baffles me is how the British male manages to ensure that his waist size is only even-numbered. Is it genetic programming or a product of evolution? Has fashion sense crept into our biology? Perhaps British men have been secretly bio-engineered to achieve only even numbered waist sizes and this is a conspiracy to reduce immigrant numbers! Surely there is something in the food (making Tesco complicit) that causes non-Brits waists to shrink or grow to odd-numbered sizes as is appropriate. This inability to find proper trouser size renders them a walking fashion faux pas and sends them running teary-eyed back to their country of origin and their foolish odd-numbered trouser boutiques!

It is an ingenious and diabolical plan, if it is indeed a plan. Truly ruthless. Still, this strict adherence to even-numbered waist sizes may explain the Brit males odd fashion sense (hahaha 'odd'...forget it). UK sizes seem to fit smaller than US (or I am just trending to lardiness) and UK men seem to like a nice tight pair of jeans that sags (if something tight can sag) just below their upper butt crack - which I will refer to as the bruptk. The British bruptk seems to be of vital importance and must be displayed as often as possible (a tradition long practiced by plumbers and handy-men the world over). This is not to be confused with the African American Hip-Hop trend of showing off the brand of underwear (or pants in the UK) one is currently wearing. Bruptks don't make an appearance in such cases.

All told my choice is to either drop a Jeans size or put on 1.4 Kilos. I shan't risk the latter as middle age and the ominous threat of a genetic predisposition to a spare tire growls at the door. The former is more likely, though running teary-eyed back to the Motherland is always a viable option. But with any luck I will trip on the jeans that would have fallen around my ankles. The Fashion gods will point derisively and laugh with uproarious laughter as I lay prone and weeping on the catwalk of life.


I thank you!