You might be thinking 'who are you and why would I care about what you don't get?' Good question for which I don't have a good answer, except to say you might agree and hence find commiseration, or you might disagree vehemently and have someone to vent at. Either way, you're welcome.
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[/caption]1. CARNIVAL. I know there are many self-proclaimed 'Carnival Te Te's' out there - no disrespect. If you enjoy it then have a good 'un. But I just don't see the fun in tromping half-naked in public in very close proximity to sweaty strangers (hepatitis comes to mind) in the boiling hot sun from one point to another. It's like the movement of refugees but with bottled spring water, sparkly pants & music - very repetitive music to which only one dance move can be done i.e. chip an' wine. Furthermore - I would have to pay to do this! I'm sorry, but if I was to participate in a carnival roadmarch someone would have to pay me!
[/caption]2.POINTY MEN'S SHOES. They're in style and they're pointy (Winkle Pickers I understand they are called), sometimes with a little upturned toe to complete the Rumpelstilskinian look. But why would any normal footed male want to cram his feet into shoes that taper to a point merely milimeters across? Women apparently loooooove this stuff - but guys? Where is your sense of....common sense? If you wanted to make shish kebab with the tip of your shoe then fine. But surely getting from point A to point B would either be exceptionally painful or terribly embarrasing - I'm almost certain these shoes are a danger to small scurrying animals.
[/caption]3.LIFETIME TV. Ok, every single story is about a woman who 'has to learn to love again' after being wronged by some jerk of a man. She spends the next 60 minutes crying and shouting at her 'estranged daughter', then meets a wonderful man who helps her to 'learn to love again'. And the film titles! Anything from 'The Deserted Wife' to 'I Lost my Daughter to a Man I Don't Trust' One doesn't have to guess the plot. Sigh. Why? Why all the depression and man-hating? Indeed, why all the misogyny? Lifetime can't be good for people struggling with depression and very likely contributes to the number of those who do.
[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="144" caption="Every way is the right way. Wrong!"]
[/caption]4.MORAL RELATIVISM. The idea that morality is totally subjective, up to each individual to decide and there is no such thing as a 'sin'/wrongness just doesn't make sense. This would mean that the Holocaust & the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade have no wrongness whatsover - indeed nothing would be wrong including pedophilia or even cheating on one's spouse. Jews, Africans, parents & children and spouses are likely to have a few feelings about the morality of the aforementioned list. Moral relativism suggests that nothing is wrong with everything - make sense? No, I don't think so either.
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[/caption]5.MARMITE. YUUUUUUCK! If you don't know, you're one of the blessed. Nuff said.
I myself will add to this list but if there are things you 'don't get' please feel free to add em. For example - you may 'not get' people who don't get Carnival - touche.
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4 comments:
As a subset of the Marmite, I would add scrapple. If you are not familiar with it, I might describe it as all the bits of a pig that no one wants to eat, make glue from, render into soap, or give to the dogs, which is then chopped into bits, mixed with corn meal, slapped into a patty, and pan-fried in an inch of lard. I am quite sure it would give Marmite a run for its money for the title of Most Foul Edible Thing.
And yes, I have tried it. I feel like I am going to vomit just writing about it.
regarding the pointy shoes: I have some close friends who are women and have spent a lifetime (not the cable channel) wearing pointy toed shoes. Their toes are actually deformed to the extent of converging to a nearby vanishing point. It is enough to scare any sane man away from pointy shoes.
Oh I've seen pics - eeeew. The lengths folks will go to 'look good'
LOL. We call it grizzle or crackling in Jamaica - and it is widely loved for some strange reason - especially when it all crisp and crunchy!
mmmmmm - lard
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