5ive Women You Should NEVER Marry...or date...or carry on casual conversation with

Gentlemen - this is vital to your survival as a normal functioning member of society. Should you encounter any of the following women - RUN LIKE HELL! Or pay the price. As for the Ladies who will inevitably read this out of curiousity or to find out if they made the list...you know I'm right.

1. Manny Manny This one is obvious and is known by other names. Fill in the blanks: H_e and Sk_t_l. Got it? You may have been initially attracted by the strategic absence of clothing and come hither looks. She is a recipe for disaster as her prime motive is to attract men - any men, all the time. She is charming, funny, sometimes appears innocent and features in Proverbs 5-7 (she may or may not bite her nails while waiting at the stoplight with a 'I'm lost' expression). You are only one of the many victims. Your only escape is to think with your brain - your brain. Got it?! If you fall prey - it's your own fault. You will eventually be attacked by the guy who thought he was her one and only. She has never had - nor will ever have a 'one and only'.

2. Psycho-Me Me The Psycho first catches your ear by somehow getting you into an argument. Her main means of appropriating attention is anger & conflict. She can turn anything into an argument with her power of super-attention-getting. She behaves like she hates your guts and hence targets 'nice guys' who will want to quell the conflict she artificially created. Like a piece of unwanted sticky-tape, you try to shake her off only to find she is stuck on the back of your head. She manipulates via anger & guilt and shouting is standard communication. Once she gets an emotional reaction from you - she has won!

3. Daddy Eyes If she mentions her Dad within the first 10 minutes of meeting you - RUN! This lady thinks her Dad is perfection and whether she knows it or not, wants to marry him. This means that no man is ever good enough for her. Dating her will lead to continuous comparison of yourself against the maginificence of her Dad and your self-esteem will dwindle to mere burning embers. She is likely to be spoilt and used to getting her own way, so the only solution to engagement with her is to say 'look your Dad', then make a mad dash for the door.

4. Histrionic Hottie Histrionic personality disorder is a real psychological affliction. The patient looooooves attention and will do anything to get it include getting sick. If she senses your attention being drawn away from her by petty things like work, family, the game etc. she will not just feign illness but present real physical pain/symptoms in order to get the attention back to herself. She will not be happy until every waking moment of your life is dedicated to her whims and fancy. Attending to this one is a full time job and everyday demands overtime.

5. One-Up Control Freak This Freak is characterized by an intense fascination and love for herself. She is constantly amazed by her own intelligence and ability to be correct 100% of the time. Her desire is to prove her greatness to you by outdoing you in everything. If a woman challenges you to arm wrestle it is likely she is the OUCF. She thinks your faults are proof of her own greatness and believes completely unrelated facts, like some female spiders eating their male counterparts, are sufficient evidence for her to dominate and rule you with an iron fist.