Jamaica Gleaner News - Britain to track slave trade money - Lead Stories - Sunday | August 2, 2009

Jamaica Gleaner News - Britain to track slave trade money - Lead Stories - Sunday | August 2, 2009.

Emancipation Day: Wake up & Dream

Happy Freedom Day Everybody!

It's a good thing to remember a time when the world sort of came to its senses. Why 'sort of''? Well you may or may not know that  when slavery was abolished in Britain it was done so at the convenience of the slave owners who were compensated for their loss of 'assets'.  The enslaved people went from being slaves to 'apprentices' and, as we all know, freedom itself came many many years later as being let go didn't quite mean one was free to enjoy the 'pursuit of happiness' given the circumstances.

The jagged and uneven ending of slavery will always leave a slightly bad taste, getting less so the farther away it becomes, being that the injustice has never been punished - indeed the perpetrators were rewarded and the victims remained well, victims. But in these modern times we have moved on a long way from being chattel to being a sovereign nation, governing our own affairs (which might also mean presiding over our own demise), creating a culture of our very own and slowly turning mud into bricks though sometimes we get the process a little mixed up.

We could easily get cynical but we can't argue with the fact that the descendants of enslaved people in the New World are indeed free. That's a very good thing. Not only are we free but some of us have become exceptionally important historical figures for various reasons (think Garvey, Bolt and Marley for example). That's a great thing.

Of course the emancipation has continued to this day, and necessarily so. At one point We were the victims and products of someone else's imagining and perception of the world. Now we are the victims and beneficiaries of our own vision of the world - such is the stuff of liberty. To be sure, our people have particularly vivid imaginations which we employ in astonishing ways on a daily basis with both hurtful and helpful results - known and little known outcomes.

It was my privilege to discover several years ago, that my  Grandfather, Arthur HW Williams I, was the first person to conduct a correspondence education course in Jamaica. This he did by regular snail mail, as we call it today. At the ceremony held to mark the accomplishment, an elderly man insisted he say something - quite unscheduled - and he informed the curious gathering that he had benefited from my Grandfather's courses decades before and thanked him face to face for the opportunity afforded him via this education by post. Amazing. Grandpa's son has gone on to become a successful lawyer and followed his father into the political arena (now a Minister of Government) not to mention his other son who is a plastic surgeon working with his sister, an OBGYN, operating a thriving private practice. Grandpa's eldest daughter is a successful and highly placed administrator at the University of the West Indies.

Grandpa is 96 now and still going strong. I can't help but surmise that a few generations before him would take us into slavery, and that he has lived at least half his life under colonial rule and the other half in an independent Jamaica - a country still a few decades younger than himself. I don't know what Grandpa's inner motivations, goals and visions were, but he excelled as a teacher, MP, Speaker of the House and representative of Jamaica at a time when much of what we were to become was still only a figment of our collective imagination. If he could have imagined his own accomplishments into reality, and in some way passed that vision on to his children -  then sweet dreams everybody. Sweet dreams.

Henry Louis Gates, Jr. - Back in Black

The first thing that came to mind was Dave Chappelle's skit featuring his drug dealing alter ego, Tron. Tron switches places with a white male corporate type who is roughed up and framed by the cops, while Tron is given a courteous and apologetic call and asked when it would be convenient to turn himself in.

Chappelle's incisive wit in this hypothetical exploration of race relations in America, is what convinced me that this was a case of racial profiling. If not for the the fact that a white Harvard professor with a very high national profile would never have been treated in this way, I could dismiss it as an over reaction on the part of Gates. But Gates, it turns out, is black and I think he was reminded of that in a most unpleasant way.

I don't blame Gate's white female  neighbour, she was looking out for his property after all, but I do wonder how long they were neighbours and why she couldn't figure out that is was Gates himself. I'm not advancing a conspiracy theory, just wondering again if she would have called the police had it been a white man of the same age  (apparently 58 years old). 58 year old men of any race aren't known for burglary.

That there is now a black American president adds weight to the issue and, if handled accordingly, could pull Obama's tongue on the simmering problems of racial equality, discrimination, segregation and prejudice. The recently featured segregated school proms not only revealed the still living spectre of racism in the US, but begs one to question what else is done in the name of prejudice that has gone unreported, and yet accepted in both black and white communities.

The real issue with both Gate's arrest and the segregated proms is that they are black problems - or blacks are the ones who have the grouse. Whites are merely spectators, busy being human, while blacks are trying to ascend the evolutionary ladder to humanity, a feat ever more possible with the ascent of Obama. To be sure, all men are equal, but reality offers another version of the truth with black people having had to justify their presence in a (white) man's world for generations. This is why many white folks can't comprehend Gate's stance.

Richard Dyer, in his book White, noted that whites very rarely ever acknowledge the implication that non-whites, in the Western World, are raced while whites are just human. This is played out in the media everyday from the many contemporary white blockbuster heroes (while blacks have only Will Smith, Jamie Foxx and Denzel Washington - Asian and Hispanic stars? Even  fewer), to references to 'black on black' violence and the fact that mainstream media is primarily white and niche media is inevitably ethnic or non-white - as if white isn't an ethnicity. Too often do minority characters have to justify their presence through their ethnicity. You get the point? Though whiteness is the standard it is essentially an invisible standard usually unmentioned and under-acknowledged by the white community, if anything excused as 'victim mentality' acted out in the non-white community.

Like these few thoughts Gate's arrest has the potential to take us far and wide within the issue of race and culture, and surely many will try to forward their own agenda on the springboard of this event. But we all know that legislation can't change mens hearts though it can guide their actions, and action may be more necessary than anything else right now. But the biggest concern is not what Obama is going to say or do - he will either be a disappointment to the black community or a black man with a bone to pick to the white community - but what the response will be within the white communities across America, because of the many invisible discriminatory standards that still obtain in a nation that is supposedly free, democratic and equal.

The time is fast approaching when it must be acknowledged that we have issues not just them, and working out these problems is not a gesture of good faith but an act of moral responsibility.

NOTE: It should be noted that many white commentators in the US media have sided with Gates and stated they believe if he were white the situation would have played out differently. Indeed, some have said if they were in his position an arrest would not have been made.

TV gameshow offers atheists 'salvation' - CNN.com

This interesting - pretty topical and cutting edge I think.

What do you say?

TV gameshow offers atheists 'salvation' - CNN.com.

'By the way, sorry about the slavery...now watch this shot': On Apologies For Slavery

The US senate offered apologies for slavery and Jim Crow laws recently, following the Church of England and Tony Blair's administration, who made their apologies some 3 years ago.

So what does this largely symbolic gesture accomplish? Well, practically speaking - nothing. And even though an  apology can provide some cultural healing, the very low key event greeted with marginal media coverage suggests not many people will benefit from the 'healing'. Also, the fact that the resolution comes with a disclaimer that prevents any claim against the United States takes the teeth and sincerity out of the apology.

Cold Case

One can't help but feel, with the considerations made to Native American Indians and Jews after the Holocaust, plus the pursuit of Nazi fugitives and outlawing of Holocaust denial (indeed the Holocaust is a mandatory aspect of school curricula in Germany) , African Americans (and the rest of the African Diaspora) have gotten a raw deal...again. Some say that enslaved Africans and their descendants weren't freed but 'let go', true when you are freed to a life of poverty, segregation and debt. Even though there is no difficulty in connecting the path of US race relations (indeed Global race relations) and the brutal history of segregation and exploitation, no individual, corporation or Government has ever faced justice for one of the most public and prolonged crimes in the last several hundred years.

Beyond race relations, the very prosperity of today's First World is firmly founded on its exploitation of the Developing World (that would encompass slavery and colonisation). In fact, both are products of each other with the exploitation far from over, only morphing into ongoing economic colonisation and 'economic apartheid', to borrow a term from Naomi Klein (The Shock Doctrine, Penguin 2007). Even though it's been 200 years since the abolition of the slave trade, the fall-out is very much evident in countries like Haiti and many African nations that have never truly become viable states. It is not unreasonable to conclude that the present instability in many former colonies is a direct result of their colonial and slave history. In some cases, even while Governments may be run by Black Africans, the money and resources still lie in the hands of the former colonials and Caucasian Africans. Klein finds evidence for this in her damning expose on 'disaster capitalism', The Shock Doctrine, describing a South Africa that moved from the overt institutional racism of Apartheid to the covert retention of the Country's money in the hands of the former 'minority masters'. Haiti, one could argue, has been paying for its insolence in freeing itself from slavery beginning with a levy 150 million francs in 1825, in exchange for recognition as a sovereign nation by the French. To be sure, the French left the fledging nation with little or no resources.

But slavery has been rendered a cold case in the history of crimes against humanity, and the recent apologies confirm this. Some argue that the passage of time and generations has left no smoking gun, no immediate victim and no red-handed perpetrator, hence seeking any sort of justice is pointless. Who would be held accountable? Who would the plaintiff be? What would be the just award for the crime? Good questions that all have very reasonable though inconvenient answers.

The Status Quo

That the rules are made by the rulers has always been the case, but to be fair  many former colonies have been independent long enough (some not so long at all) to be guilty of self-inflicted wounds, both economic and social. If there is to be some restitution for slavery and colonisation this should be taken into consideration. But we aren't speaking about the sins of the victims at this this stage, and the status quo that allows the crimes of the past to go unchallenged is what allows the crimes of the present to go unchallenged. Deal with the status quo and the sins of the past and present can be faced with some modicum of justice and equanimity. What are the crimes of the present? Continued plundering of natural resources of the Developing World (acquired in large part through colonisation) by First World corporations (with the assistance of governments on either side - especially in Africa and South America), onerous IMF and World Bank conditions and First World agricultural subsidies  that undercut local producers and economies. The consequences of these tactics are far reaching and include anything from unemployment and inflation to low exploitative wages and deforestation. Not only are economies destroyed but also local culture and social structure, according to Jeremy Seabrook's Consuming Cultures (New Internationalist, 2004).

That some Governments and leaders of plaintiff communities are complicit in this kind of 'legalised' exploitation is understood, but this doesn't absolve the accused, only impugns others. And the power of scarcity to force persons into 'selling out' shouldn't be underestimated. But that sounds like victim/slave mentality; the attitude that someone else is responsible for the failings of now autonomous groups and communities. To be sure if said communities find prosperity it will be in spite of the actions of the accused and indeed an issue of overcoming the actions of the accused rather than making use of assistance provided by the same. Still commendable if it can be done (and progress if very evident in the African American community) but doesn't mean that there aren't actual victims. Using the logic applied to the impunity surrounding slavery and colonisation, any crime  can be overlooked given enough time and neglect. Any group living in the wake of injustice can be labelled lazy blame shifters when they become the victims 'once-removed'. But this is the cheapest way out for the accused. It costs them nothing to apologise. And cost is very important because in today's consumerist/capitalist world economy, money is the first love of the body politic (ok, always has been). Wars are invented for it, blood is shed to to keep it - nothing, it seems can keep a nation of means away from its money - and other nations money.

It follows then that the US should protect its Beloved from being 'plundered' by folks who may have a right to it. But money is the unimaginative approach to justice, albeit that many find it to the most desirable. When it comes to slavery it's not just one state accountable to another state or community, but corporations are also beholden - maybe more so. Either way, tracking the profit shouldn't be that hard and finding ways to pay for the crime could be spread across methods including debt cancellation, relinquishing of resources, provision of resources without condition, and so on. The truth, however, is that the price of justice in this case is just too high to pay, partly because the crime is still in progress (and so for centuries) and the profundity of the crime warrants an exceptionally heavy sentence.

Promising Compromise

So what's the next most reasonable step? It can only be that the concerned former perpetrators and victims take the possibility of justice for damage caused by colonisation and slavery seriously. That might mean finally including the slave trade in British secondary education curricula, for example, and an effort to genuinely support affected nations and communities in sustainable ways - not handouts, but leg ups. I don't claim to have the knowledge or expertise to provide all the answers - but I'm sure that if those with the know-how actually apply themselves to the task - something could be done. A lot of expense, manpower, technology and brainpower go into war, exploitation, profit-seeking and downright criminality. Perhaps some of that ingenuity, creativity and energy can be put in the direction of healing. Apologies are decent gestures but words mean little when they weren't the problem in the first place.

EDIT: The Madoff sentencing made waves throughout the media with a hefty 150 years to his name. This blog entitled 'When Sorry Isn't Good Enough' makes a strong statement: money matters most. Mind you, the effects of Madoff's greed are real and go beyond a simple loss of cash, but there in the background is a lesson. Swift justice is meet here and it should be. But one wonders why, with situations like Katrina, Iraq war crimes and yes, slavery, the justice is either very slow or non-existent. What really matters more, human lives or dollar signs?

Transformers 2 Post Mortem: Entertaining! Exciting! Crap!

On its face Transformers 2 was exactly what it was supposed to be: entertainment, action, pointless shots of cool dudes walking in slo mo, everybody running from explosions in slo mo, scantily clad anorexic white girls & badly formulated premises moving a shaky plot-line forward with the help of dopey slapstick characters.

It was a badly edited string of action clichés in CGI. Awesome! Total guy movie.

Now what was Transformers really about? It was about 1 thing: Advertising. What were they advertising you ask? 3 things:

1. The American Military Industrial Complex
2. General Motors
3. The Republic Capitalist Agenda

No I'm not nuts and no I'm not reading into things too much. Trust me, I'm not paranoid they are really after you! ;O).

Ok seriously. America's military is comprehensively paraded throughout the film: satellite technology, nuclear subs, aircraft carriers, attack drones (which, by the way, routinely kill mourners and their families in Pakistan), tanks, aircraft, response time and more, all conveniently in the Middle East - or a place that looks just like it (Egypt really but who's counting?). The advancement of tech was even illustrated in the geriatric Blackbird, JetFire. They made being a soldier look very cool and dying for your country a very action-packed career option! So kids, join the army - now!

General Motors gets some great mileage out the film too. Primarily through the twins and Sideswipe. The twins are the Chevrolet Trax (Mudflap - the red one) and the Chevrolet Beat (Skids - the green one) and Sideswipe is a concept car (according to this site). The compact cars are no arbitrary choice. With the market wanting more fuel efficient cars and not the massive gas guzzlers GM usually turns out of the assembly line - Skids and Mudflaps are the hope of GM - even if they are the most embarrassing black stereotypes since JJ in Goodtimes.

Now the fact that these two commercial entities (yes the military is commercial) are getting massive airtime is no accident. They both need and make lots of money. And that brings us to the Republican Agenda.

The philosophy embedded in Transformers (that you, the weak in mind have been thoroughly programmed to accept and that I, with my superior paranoia, can detect from miles away) is anti-diplomacy, kick-butting military might at all costs whenever and where ever we want. Kinda like what happened with Iraq.

The movie even took shots at Obama, having him hid in a bunker and his emphasis on diplomacy trashed obliquely by Optimus Prime and squarely by Sergeant Lennox. The Main message via the Suit, eventually sent parachuting into the desert, was that diplomacy sucks and gunshot fi bus! Why? Cause war makes money. That's right Transformers is all about selling cars and making war. Or as the neo-cons would put it - business as usual.

Yes people, after Transformers 1 and 2 you will happily accept that war is life and America (and one British soldier) is the saviour of the world. Just give it time. Now if you don't sell out completely you will at least have developed marginal sympathy for the American Commercial cause. Trust me, right after the movie I had an inexplicable urge to enlist with marines and buy a Chevrolet. How do you explain that?!

MJ

There are some people you don't think of as dead and Michael Jackson was one of them.

What I mean is that you assume they will live out their lives to a predictable outcome full of years and perhaps half forgotten, then you hear about their death which you respond to with a brief moment of sadness and fond nostalgia. But Jackson's death was so sudden and unexpected - what with a new tour just about to kick off - that there's almost  a kind of 'phantom limb' effect. A sort of static image left in that space in the collective psyche into which he was firmly placed.

The only other time the world seemed to gasp in disbelief and shared pain on this level, was when Princess Diana was killed - an event that lingered long with the Senior Fayed seeking his own brand of closure for years after.

For the generations that grew up entertained and educated by MJ's culture (and he was a centre of culture) his passing has revealed just how an individual can so perfectly fill a need, which perhaps we didn't even know we had, but was completely satisfied. For years he determined what we listened to and watched, how we danced, what we spoke about and even how we dressed.

Even though the footprints he left behind weren't always in perfect step it didn't matter, it was all a part of the mosaic that contributed to our cultural landscape. Whether it was his latest music video or surgical procedure or lawsuit - we followed it, and if we didn't follow it the media made sure that it followed us. No doubt his passing will be debated for months to come, and based on family spokesperson (though I suspect he is not in any sense official) Brian Oxman's tirade about 'enablers' and 'drugs', there will be those who will attempt to get as much mileage out of his passing for personal gain.

Oxman, speaking on CNN, began what sounded like a tearful, sincere report on the latest developments  from the hospital, ended his interview by turning the attention on himself, claiming to have predicted MJ's demise. Oxman referenced Anna Nicole Smith's death as a parallel for Jackson's situation - a star surrounded by people who meant him no good, plying him with drugs eventually leading to his death. Oxman vacillated between not knowing the cause of death to declaring near certainty. I suspect we will see much more of him.

In this age we are rarely given a moment of pause to digest events such as this. The irony is not lost on me that even now I am contributing to the ceaseless conversation. But perhaps, for a change, our writing and reading and watching and listening will be a collective mourning rather than just a media frenzy. For the media frenzy is sure to follow fast and furious. But whatever we think of MJ he spent himself on us. He seemed to pour himself out from near infancy to this day...for us. There is an undeniable ache of pity, gratitude and sympathy we feel for the dichotomy of his life: The breathtaking stage legend and the awkward even reclusive man-child. I can't imagine that there isn't a person wishing he is in a place where nothing painful can touch him.

Many of us may feel that a part of our childhood has died. It has.

Michael, you made us dance. Thank you.

Homophobia Jamaican Style

Fear VS Fair

Jamaica's hostility toward homosexuality is world renown. It was in 1992 on a British programme called The Word, that the Island hit the homophobe map with a resounding Shabba Ranks sounding thud that can still be heard today. Shabba famously called for homosexuals to be 'crucified', and well the rest is history - and so is his career. Buju Banton also featured on the programme with his anti-gay song Boom Bye-Bye, and has also been paying for this statement to this day, effectively banned from performing in certain countries and venues, along with other Jamaican DJ's.

One of the latest moves against Jamaican homophobia is an initiative called Boycott Jamaica where people are encouraged to boycott all things Jamaican including Jamaican-made products and even visiting the Island. The two-fold goal of the site is to force the Government to 'Publicly commit to end gay bashing on the island and improve the human rights situation' and get 'A statement from the Prime Minister clearly and unequivocally condemning violence against GLBT people and expressing regret for past violence'.

The goals are fair enough, but the method may not be the best. Indeed, this method may very well work against the initiative, after all the economy isn't the cause of homophobia and shouldn't be the target. Why should businesses with no relationship to Jamaica's homophobia be targeted? In fact Red Stripe Beer which features on Boycott Jamaica's site is no longer a Jamaican product, but a part of British multi-national Diageo's portfolio. Poverty begets violence, and effectively creating more poverty is not likely to generate sympathy for the gay rights cause. Indeed, the potential backlash against this strategy of economic embargo might exacerbate anti-gay sentiment. In short, a cultural problem can't be solved with a purely economic or legislative effort.

Culture War

This is not to say that legislation has no place, but that the Jamaican problem goes beyond homophobia and into a dysfunctional attitude toward sexuality in general - something legislation can't solve. Jamaican society is uncomfortable not just with male sexuality but human sexuality. There is an immaturity in the approach to male sexuality that was almost humorously illustrated by the public reaction to a work of art erected in a park in Kingston's commercial district. The sculpture, pictured below, drew hostile cristicism due to the depiction of the male phallus. The well-endowed female figure seemed to sit well with the public, but apparently the size and overt display of the male organ was too much to bear.

The offending member - Emancipation Park, New Kingston, Jamaica

There is nothing homo-erotic about the statue given its subjects, but nothing overtly sexual either, save for the nudity which doesn't necessarily have erotic overtones. Indeed, the reaction toward the statue says something about the society. At least some Jamaicans see nakedness in a purely sexual way - the artistry is lost on them.

The depiction of sexuality through some aspects of Jamaican culture can be extreme, bawdy and caricatured. A popular a song called Rampin' Shop set the Island's Broadcasting Commission into action getting banned from airplay and bringing more stringent regulation of Jamaican airwaves. The song was also tied to the dance phenomenon called 'Daggering', a violent choreographic simulation of sex that even featured in two recent Newsweek articles. Now bawdy depictions of sex are not unique to Jamaica, the peculiarities lie in the attitude to male sexuality and the general insecurity surrounding the male sexual role even in heterosexual relationships. Daggering is unquestionably an exaggeration of virility, unrealistic and apparently dangerous (the Newsweek article reported an increase in 'broken penises' in Jamaica, apparently related to the Daggering craze). Extreme representations of sex in any culture tend to betray an insecurity that stifles a mature and healthy approach to sex and the related issue of the human body. But this fear of male sexuality is taken to the extreme when some Jamaican men, choosing to avoid saying the word 'man' altogether wherever it appears in the English language, take words like 'manifesto' and 'Manchester' and 'feminize' or 'de-homosexualize' them to 'wo-manifesto' and 'wo-Manchester'. Decidedly juvenile.

Get it straight

Jamaica needs to be acquainted with healthy, normal sexuality, before it can learn to embrace or at least tolerate homosexuality. Indeed the homophobia may be a result of the deeper heterosexual male insecurity. Some aspects of Jamaican culture suggest men are to be hard, emotionally detached and agreessive and hence angry and isolated, as well as exceptionally virile and able to satisfy multiple partners. A sensitive approach to sex isn't compatible with this destructive macho ideal.

Despite the fact that Shabba's tirade and Buju's Boom By Bye are almost 20 years old, they still feature in contemporary gay advocacy material. British physical theatre group DV8 featured Boom Bye-Bye and Jamaica's homophobia in a recent production, To Be Straight With You. Based on transcribed interviews the production illustrated, with stunning effect, the plight of homosexuals in Jamaica, Pakistan and African nations. With no overt references to sexuality itself, it was ideal for a society that is still undecided about same-sex relationships. It might be wise to fight culture with culture, and this may have already started.

Jamaica's energetic theatre scene featured at least one very popular character that oozed homo-eroticism (a male actor played a homosexual cross-dresser) and celebrated a very well known choreographer (now deceased) who was allegedly on open homosexual or even bi-sexual. This suggests a disparity between public assertions and private opinions and experience. Indeed, some believe much of the most visible anti-gay sentiment arises from closet gays (a vicious circle?). At any rate, attacking a nation, an economy and a culture that is already suspicious of Western intent (given the colonial and slave history) may not be the best method of seeking equality - and certainly not the only method available.

(Since this article another a gay rights group out of Spain is lobbying for the EU to boycott Jamaica)

Senate Apologizes For Slavery : NPR

Senate Apologizes For Slavery

via Senate Apologizes For Slavery : NPR.

The UK did something similar a few years back with Tony Blair issuing a statement of 'sorrow' for slavery and the Church of England offering a similar sentiment.

What do you think: To little too late too much for nothing? Many think slavery is of no consequence today, others think it is impunity at its very height.

5ive Things I Don't Get: UK'd Up in England

1. Fences & Thieves. In England you can't build your fence above a certain height - why you ask? Because if a thief, in climbing over your fence to terrorize and dispossess, hurts himself he can sue you (see 5th paragraph in second link)! Indeed you are discouraged from using barbed wire or any kind of fence-climbing deterrent due to the fact it makes the thief's job that much more incovenient. How very dare you! Otherwise, if a burglar enters your house and proceeds to rob, beat and intimidate - do nothing! If in defending his new property (formally known as 'yours') you injure him - he again can sue you. In which case is it really breaking-and-entering or just suing-by-breaking...or something?

2. Saggy skinny jeans. I've already registered my befuddlement regarding skinny jeans - but this is even more befuddlementizing - skinny jeans that are saggy. Now baggy jeans are...baggy, so they sag - a notably African American fad. But the Brit fad is to wear skinny jeans down to the knees. But how, what with all that bum squelching tightniss? The result is an I've-just-took-a-huge-dump-in-my-pants type of look. I strongly suspect that the trend started because of dump-in-pants-takers trying to direct attention away from the bulges in the wrong places. How they got folks not to notice the smell? Bathing once a month is a good cover.

3. Public drunkeness. A huge problem in the UK. In Jamaica, we don't get drunk in public,  drunkeness is for old men in bars and it's considered weak and wussy. Besides we don't need alcohol  to publicly humiliate ourselves in the Caribbean when we have Carnival (wink wink)! But in the UK getting drunk is the most important part of the week for many - it is how they have a 'good time' (though they cannot recollect it). It also seems that women are far more into this public inebriation than men. Indeed, it was in the streets of Birmingham that I first  I  saw a waggle (just made that up) of women actually harrass and grope two men - first time. Wow. But I must say that alcohol fuelled street rolling provides lots of fodder for police reality programmes. Hurrah for contributing to media content and by extension the GDP!

4. Racism? What racism? Yes apparently the nation that invented hating-people-for -profit no longer has racism. It is ignored and almost taboo to talk about - with a white British person. I've tried and they usually get upset. The in-thing is 'institutional racism'. This, as I understand, is the idea that British people (white people specifically) are not racist but British systems are. So if someone is discriminated against it's nothing personal, just that bloody system operating completely autonomously. The system apparently fell out of the sky or erupted from a wart on someones butt. Who knows? At any rate it should be noted that the 400 years of slavery is completely left out of the school curriculum - so the Brits who are racist (and they certainly are not all racist) don't actually know that they are racist because no one told them - fair enough then! Ironically, the closest thing to what can be construed as 'institutional racism' or systemic discrimination is Apartheid.

5. State sponsored irresponsibility. When a sixteen year old has a child she gets a stipend from the government as well as goverment housing. Now, this is good in that teen mothers get much needed support - not good because teens abuse the system and do use a child as their meal ticket. This might be the reason why the UK has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe. I reckon we're now heading into the second generation of kids raised by kids, which might mean that Supernanny will have loads of work. It might also be the cause of points 2 and 3, and indirectly, point 1. Now, that said, teen pregnancy in Jamaica isn't state sponsored, but may have a more sinister motive (in some cases) - but that is another 5ive Things altogether.

BackLog: Black People Are Human – on Obama Being Elected President

At 3:00 AM GMT, USA [Nov 5, 2008] it was confirmed: black people are in fact human beings!
The shocking news came to an undeniable head when suspected African American, Barack Hussein Obama was elected by thousands, maybe millions of American citizens to be Commander-in-Chief - many of them human beings as well, it is alleged.
The suspicion that blacks were human is age old, but dismissed as myth and fancy by some generations of other human beings of certain races and nationalities. Blacks were often mistaken for lower primates, sugar cane processing plants, cotton harvesting machines, doormats, scapegoats, door opening mechanisms and similar types of labour saving devices. It is even believed that some tried to squeeze money out of black bodies using techniques now long lost - but only a strange red liquid would be the result of the extraction process.
This shocking discovery, some time in the making comes with its share of controversy. George W. Bush, for example, defied the belief that only white people were human by being often mistaken for a block of wood, a chimpanzee or a deli sandwich. Most often though, Bush would be mistaken for President of the United States - this famously went on for 8 straight years and indeed it seemed thousands - maybe billions of people were duped by the convincing rumour. This mass delusion led the entire nation of the United States of America to allow a very tasty looking ham on rye to take charge of the nation for several months - even leading the country into a dust up with Iraq that turned out to be a terrible misunderstanding. The ham on rye sandwich was very embarrassed and is reported to have felt quite sorry for the debacle.
At any rate, the election of Obama to the highest post in the US has left no doubt that blacks are indeed equal to their fellow men. Some still weren't convinced and wanted to enslave a few blacks again 'just to be sure', but they were shot out of a cannon before they could finish the sentence. That said, there are a few earthlings who are convinced only some are human and therefore superior to others by virtue of their skill in tying shoelaces, chewing tobacco and crushing aluminium beer cans with their foreheads. While these talents are highly respected by the aristocracy of nations the world over - conventional wisdom says the world has moved on from such things and a new era has come.
Obama's humanity began to become apparent from a young age - his arms and legs plus his ability to read were strong evidences - but it was his distinct ability to walk upright on two legs and speak in complete sentences that really brought him over the top (something which Bush has yet to do and therefore casts his humanity into hushed question yet again).
Still we accept this finding as scientists work feverishly to document this new development. Books must be re-written, names changed, butts kicked and heads scratched. Current US Vice President and Overlord of the Land of Darksquelch (most feared region of the Nether-World) Dick Cheney, reportedly said 'If I was human and knew what emotions were, I think I would be happy for Barack and black people everywhere...what is happy?' Cheney then allegedly disappeared in a puff of Halliburton Stock, but not before shooting a close friend in the face. The bleeding comrade offered his sincerest apologies for being such a nuisance. Cheney is known for his sharp exchanges with Satan. He has harshly criticized the Prince of Darkness for 'being a wuss on foreign policy'. Cheney takes on the post of Beelzebub after Obama's inauguration.
It is now taken for granted that black people everywhere can do things that normal human beings have been doing for centuries. No one quite knows how they will make the adjustment, but classes, programs and short courses will be started that blacks can attend to 'get caught up' with the skills. Some blacks buoyed by the news of the newfound status looked forward to 'walking down the street', 'benefitting from nepotism' and 'going to work'. Some even found themselves lost in the dream that they someday, could finally not tick the 'other' box on the race section of the many equal opportunity forms that asserted it never mattered what race you were, they ‘just wanted to know so they could treat you equally once they found out you were a minority’.
But it is with a new sense of confusion that we move forward. Who will we look down upon now? Who can we blame for lowering the value of our houses? Who will we exclude from the country clubs and closed circles of elitism? Who will inexplicably devote himself to the brave hero and then die 22 minutes into the film as per our blockbuster movies? These sober questions face us at the very cusp of a new era. And those to whom this noble duty falls will join a long line of really annoyed people. But as for us blacks - oops, I mean humans...it's onward, upward, forward!
The journey continues. I thank you! ;O)

C. Arthur Young